The despair factor
by MyGodIsMephistopheles
Summary: A one story chapter of a love that would never be. It is a song fic. I used the lyrics "The despair factor" by AFI


Note: I do not own Harry Potter or anything to do with it. If you'd like me to own it, just vote for me when I run for president and take over the world. ^_^!!!! Oh...and you don't find out who's telling the story untill the end. Yay! I also don't own the song "the despair factor" but AFI does.  
  
I'm struggling with this weight of sorrow. I can't go back to my normal life and be who i'm not. Their all going to find out about me, about everything. The man I love will find out and throw me out of his life, disgusted. So now, I walk through this forbidden forest waiting for any creature to find me. To take me out of this thing they call life. My bare feet hit the ground, as raindrops hit against my skin. My hair is drenched like my clothing. Drenched with mud and water. I almost look like a ghost. My face has gotten pale over the days...weeks...months that i've fought with myself. I lied when I told them I was ok...  
  
Along the path where the stream is talking,  
  
I breathe the mist and continue walking.  
  
The wood it whispers in a language of it's own.  
  
As a sigh escaped my lips,  
  
I feel the light caress of fingertips that,  
  
steal away the breath and leave me on my own.  
  
I stopped walking, letting the mud seep between my toes. My feet were stepping on thorns the blood dissapearing into the brown, murky mud. I outstretched my hands so they were above my head. The rain got heavier as I squinted my eyes, staring at the tree tops.  
  
Waiting by the stairs. (Waiting, I despair)  
  
Waiting, I despair. (Waiting by the stairs)  
  
"Take me away! I can't live with this burden!" I screamed louder then I thought i ever could. "Deadly creatures of this forest, take me into you!" I sob escaped from my thoart, as I fell. It was slow motion, falling to my knees. I saw the yellow and red eyes of things watching me. Why won't they come and kill me, i'm asking for it! I am flesh and meat that it all! My knees hit the ground, mud splashing all around me. I threw down my hands into it, pulling up a handful of mud. Splash it on my face. Let it drip down into my eyes, and mouth. I wiped it out of my eyes, I must look like an animal. That's what I am through their eyes aren't I?  
  
My whole life is a dark room.  
  
One, big, dark room.  
  
Here it comes the creature. It's deep black eyes staring into my brown ones. It's claws outstretched reaching my face tearing into me. I felt the flesh rip, i heard my cry. Then my laugh...the excitment. This is what I want! This is what I need! To die! I must! It's mouth jammed into my side, something breaking inside me. Blood gushed from me...it gushed from my mouth. I could feel something stabbing into me, my body heaving up and down. The pain is irresitable, i'm panicking. I changed my mind! I want to live! I want to express my undying love for him! He must know!  
  
Do I hear the hollow sound,  
  
Footsteps resounding on this frozen ground,  
  
Or the familiar disappointment of the echoes of my own?  
  
The creature was pushed back by a force unlike my own. It ran away into the darkness. And who did i see before my very eyes but him? A tear ran down his face as he stared down at my mangled body. He pointed his wand at me, attempting to heal the wounds. No...to much blood, my love. He knelt down in despair. The factor of life. Everyone is in despair, forever. No matter how happy or sorrowful they are...they're in despair. He lifted me up so i was sitting. He held me to his chest, muttering words of hope. Telling me I was alive and I wasn't dying. He picked up his wand, screaming a spell, a light escaped from it and past the tree branches, exploding into a signal of help.  
  
Waiting by the stairs. (Waiting i despair)  
  
Waiting, I despair. (Waiting by the stairs)  
  
I coughed, blood spilling onto his shoulder. I never dreamt, i would be in his arms. Holding me, pretending i'm safe. He thought the same of me! Didn't he?! He loves me as well! That is why he is here...he followed me! Tears escaped down my face as I looked up at him. He was looking down at me, sobbing. He ran his fingers down my muddy cheek. There was something he wanted to do. Craving to do.  
  
But if he loved me why did he never come to me! Why didn't he!? It is his fault i'm dying, his guilt that will be with him forever. Forever! Did he ever notice me untill i started speaking to him? Trying to hang around him? Being his friend? Or was I just a source for all his answers. The person who will do his homework and clean his broom stick.  
  
Somehow I ended up here in between,  
  
Where there is always the comfort,  
  
Of knowing I'll never be seen.  
  
When I fall  
  
When I fall  
  
I wait for just one touch,  
  
And I fall  
  
He must prove he loves me! Then i will know! Why is the pain leaving me? Why....i'm floating. No...i'm dead. This is my soul, wrapped around this white flouresent light. But i'm not flying up to the skys, or down to hell. I'm just floating above my body, watching. Waiting. He knows i'm dead. But he won't accept it. He's mumbling aplogies, screaming out my name. But, what is a name? A label printed on you forever. You will always be remembered by your name. Everything depends on it. What would we be without names? What would we call the geeks and the sluts? The misfits and the preps? Or me....The loner...?  
  
I'm looking at your, Draco. You can close my eyes now, you don't need more guilt on you as my pathetic body stares at you. What did you lose? Nothing but something you used. What are you doing Draco? Why is your head getting close to my face...are those really your lips pressing on mine? Your hand on the back of my head, as you press me closer against your chest. Your head resting ontop of mine. And then those words...repeat them again for me...  
  
"Terrence Higgs, I love you. I always have." He said that...through his sobs. He grabbed his hand, placing my body gently on the earth flooring.  
  
"I can't live without you Terrence! I never can!" You muttered that spell...the killing curse.  
  
The wand fell from your hand, as your body hit the ground. Your arm around me, your face resting near my neck. We look like we've loved each other forever. Funny, we have haven't we? Your soul is flying towards me, your smiling at me. Your hand wrap around my waist, as do mine. We plant a lovers kiss on each others lips, as we float to paradise. We can be free for a chance.  
  
Weightless,  
  
Endless,  
  
Faithless, I'll adore you.  
  
A single touch, before I fade. Painless let me pass through.  
  
Weightless,  
  
Endless,  
  
Faithless, I'll adore you.  
  
A single touch, before I fade. Painless let me pass through.  
  
~Fin~ 


End file.
